When the sun comes down
When the rain wash away
All the hopes I can bring
To another day, another day

When your trees start to sway
And the wind makes them move

I can tell that
You don't know

YEAH! I BOUGHT IT!


it says DEATHNOTE on the chain :D



fucked up extra lessons.
Ms Janet Tan just cannot stop eating into other lessons, plus our friking recess. we only had half an hour of recess and she took up 22 minutes of it! sheesh. ahh well. she ain't coming to school tomorrow so there'll be a free period tomorrow. yay for that. I want these extra lessons to be over as soon as possible!

oh yes, do visit Sue's blog for her cheesy blog post & contribute in the comments. I asked Leon and Bryan for some suggestions and here are theirs (Sue, if you see this, yeah it's their contribution. Haha):
1. Do you have a plaster? Cos I hurt my knee when I fell for you.
2. Do you have a map? Cos I'm lost in your eyes.

check out her blog for cheesier and hornier ones.
Haha.



White Lines & Red Lights.
Between The Trees.

U And Ur Hand - Pink

Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh
Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh
Check it out, going out
On the late night
Looking tight, feeling nice
It's a cock fight
I can tell, I just know
That it's going down, tonight
At the door we don't wait cause we know them
At the bar six shots just beginning
That's when Dick put his hands on me
But you see

I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It's just you and your hand tonight

Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh
Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh

Midnight
I'm drunk
I don't give a fuck
Wanna dance by myself
Guess you're outta luck
Don't touch, back up
I'm not the one, Alright
Listen up it's just not happening
You can say what you want to your boyfriends
Just let me have my fun tonight
I..

I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It's just you and your hand tonight

Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh
Break break
Break it down

In the corner with your boys you bet up five bucks
To get at the girl that just walked in
But she thinks you suck
We didn't get all dressed up just for you to see
So quit spilling your drinks on me, yeah

You know who you are
High fivin, talkin shit
But you're going home alone aren't ya?

Cause I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It's just you and your hand tonight

I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
Just take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It's just you and your hand tonight
Yeah oh




sometimes I just wonder, if Life (YEAH, NOT GOD) is playing us like toys? trying to experiment on our reactions towards incidents and all. sometimes I just feel that Life is mocking me when I'm feeling depressed over something. after that, it relieves my pain by allowing my minor prayers to be answered. I think life is still laughing at me. I feel so dumb now aight.

yeah, he finally spoke.

& I think if I didnt ask the question whether he was dead, he wouldn't have taken the initiative to do so. I know he loves to retaliate such comments. I guess I was trying to attract his attention back then. he told me to cheer up and all and told me not to be so stressed up over my work. I guess it worked, yeah, but it didn't seem sincere. you would be reading this and will go like, "since he's already talked to you, what else do you want??" I know it sounded like that, but you will never know how I feel. I know from his words whether he really wanted to talk to me or not. I don't know, I may have misunderstood him, but that's from what I had known about him.

my theory might really be wrong this time;
& I wish that it's wrong.



I LOVE RYUZAKI! <3
& I'm dying to Cosplay as him. I'm waiting for my hair to grow, & all I lack now is a white baggy long-sleeved top. Cosplaying will cost me $12 for the tickets. whoo. yeah the manga is driving me mad aight.

the Shinigami calls Raito, "KUKU!"
Ahahhaha I just find this really funny.



yeah I sound happy now.
how I wish I have a harder heart to begin with.

when you feel like your world's turning upside down and everything is falling; everything isn't what it used to be. you will somehow find comfort in something, but it doesnt last long; after the laughter and all, your world returns back to its chaotic situation. that's the way to describe my feelings right now.



schedule's packed for November. Daddy's complaining that I'm busier than him. I could see he's disappointed as we might not be able to go on a holiday trip again just because of my busy schedule. -pouts-



visited Dalton and Chew at Seyu today. lunched there. some chicken chop with pepper sauce thing. haha. you will never know how funny it is when these two people serve the customers, especially Chew. he can actually adjust his jeans right in front of the customers while they were looking through the menu lah! Lol :D

& Chew mops the floor like the America's Next Top Model. wooot. hahaha. seriously. he just has to pose in whatever he does; even walking, mopping, standing in the lift etc. HAHA. keep it up, sexy. oh oh oh, did I mention he's better than me in Sudoku?? like omg can. haha.

went to Plaza Singapura's comics connection to look for my desired Death Note notebook. BUT THEY'RE ALL SOLD OUT!! all of the branches even! oh gosh, and the re-stocking is like next week, which is the earliest. that means I may have to wait for more than one week. ahhh, the temptation, the desire.. & I saw this Death Note tie. WOAH, cool can? hahaha. not really nice to put on though, but it's nice for a collection! haha. I'm still considering about it.

I need to come up with a shopping list soon.



I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really wanna mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life

I'm just wasting my time on you, yes?



Sometimes,
I just think that I'm better off alone.
I work better that way.

selfish [sel-fish] – adjective
1. devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
2. characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself



I don't understand why do you have to act so nice in front of me. yeah before I talked to Shimin, I said Hi to you and you smiled back with a reply. why did you do that when you dislike me so damn much? why? are you too fake to show who you really are? I pity you for that.

let's get this straight: I do not have a grudge against you. it's you, who has one fucking big grudge against me, that you went to the extreme and actually hurt someone. what's wrong with letting me know about you disliking me? did you do anything wrong? or are you just afraid that I would backstab you? if you were so concerned about this from the start, why should you have the negaive thoughts about me in your mind? hey girl, I don't know what you are thinking. even the people around you don't even know what you're thinking; even your closest friends. you are so fake, and you keep acting in front of almost everybody you meet. why are you doing this? aren't you tired?

Dal didn't betray your trust, pal. yes, I say, he didn't. it's up to you to believe that. I just think that the words you used were too harsh. ever since our quarrelling incident in Sec 1, I've already let it go. but just what's wrong with you? if you would like to carry on with such a miserable life, I say go for it. I tried to pass the message to you saying I would like to clear the misunderstanding. I thought you would understand and we could talk things out. but what did I get? nothing. but Dalton got hurt because of it. are you trying to make me feel fucking bad? well yeah you've achieved your big goal. congratulations.

do you know how it feels to see your good friend feeling so hurt right in front of you that it makes you wanna cry as well? I think you don't, because you didn't even filter your words before throwing them at him. next time, PLEASE DO. your brain isn't there to rot.

I didn't want to do this.
I just couldn't take it.
You made me do this.
your actions are just PLAN SELFISH.
can't you see what you've done?
you've hurt someone who treasured you so much, and I bet you were not even sincere to him at all since the beginning. who can trust you now? even if there are, they will never last long.

what do you want?
just what do you want?
I just don't get why you do have to be so extreme.

these words are your reflection, and I think you should do a soul-searching upon yourself and find out all of your flaws. if you take the words above as nothing but insults, I have nothing to say to you, anymore.



I've said enough.

& Selamat Hari Raya Adilfitri, Natasha.

this is our story.
well, not so detailed.



March, 2005. you started to console me over the issue of my depression over Daryl. you were so nice, warm and all, listening to all of my troubles. you gave me a nice feeling whenever I'm talking to you over the net. then somehow, I began to like you bit by bit as the time passed. then there was the time when you and Richie had some conflict and a hoo-haa came about. you were so cold then that I couldn't talk to you, and it worried me so much. however, you cooled down soon enough & the conflict was solved. during this period, yeah, we communicated a lot. & then it was your birthday, when Sharon and I tagged along with you and Richie out to town. we sure had some fun. you gave all of us a treat at BK, I tricked Richie with the sauces, you said that cleaner was checking you out (Lol), yeah fun was what we had that night out. during then, I wanted, and wished that day would repeat itself.



You might think
I don't look
But deep inside
In the corner of my mind
I'm attached to you



April, 2005. we got closer as we continued to communicate. our communication was a non-stop kind of SMS-ing and all. like, when one of us happened to fall asleep before the message came, we would reply the message the next morning and we'll start all over again. we would still communicate with our phones even during curriculum. then it came to my birthday, the day I turned 14. I wished you were right there at my party as I thought it would be a good birthday present. you weren't. however, I received something as good as that, even though it is just an SMS. you gave a kind of confession over the texts and you sounded so really sweet; you didn't even stop after midnight. I remember how happy I was during my birthday party that night; smiling throughout the day even though I was already tired. I felt really glad then. one day, you said you initially wanted a relationship but you're afraid that you'll be the one ending it. therefore, we just stayed at that stage of dating and didn't go any further. since then, you've started to walk me to my bus-stop almost everyday after school. yeah, although it was a short walk but we always had a good laugh on the way there. I guess guys are all the same; they behave differently when their friends are not around. you are so sweet and cute in front of me, but you just pretend not to notice me in front of your friends. yeah and we thought it was funny then. Miss me cos I miss you too.



I'm weak, it's true
Cos I'm afraid of the answer



May, 2005. you promised me that we'll enjoy ourselves after the Mid-year examinations. but that didn't some at all. just after the exams were done, we were already through. you told me you still liked the girl you did when you were Sec 3. you said that you had did a soul-search upon yourself and found out that you needed someone at that point of time, and that's me. so hurt, I was. but I asked you a question; did you ever loved me then? when you said yes, I doubted you for a moment, but still I believed, and I still do. & yeah since then we were back to square one, being friends once more.
& you chose our theme song; True - Ryan Cabrera. I bet you don't even have the slighest impression of it, when it meant so much to me.



I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true



2006. we've been communicating like good friends and all. hung out once or twice in a group. I remember that dumb arcade game that Joanne, you and I played like crazy at the Singapore Poly Graduates' Guild. yeah we had a good laugh.
Even after I had a boyfriend (and broke up) after our relationship, you're just there at the back of my mind. I always thought about things that make me feel so stupid. things like whether we could be together again, things like what are you thinking, things like if you still have any feelings for me. these thoughts filled my mind nowadays as long as I had too much time to think. I had been trying to occupy myself these days to distract me, but there is always at least an hour for me to do nothing but think about things. at such times, I only think about these thoughts other than Eelin. I thought about going on with life, but another part of me just nudges and seems to say "Why not giving it a try?". then, the other part will fight back with "What about rejection?". so and so. I've been sleeping all of them off, but they would still come back somehow.
then it came. recently, you had been dead and all. not responding to me. I hate to do it, but I jumped into conclusions. thinking that you were avoiding me, thinking that you know something, thinking that maybe you're busy. then I asked myself, "For what is he doing that? How do you know?" yeah and the fight within me starts all over again.

I feel so stupid. Maybe I am, because I am thinking about stupid things that shouldn't even be thought about.



I just want to say something;

I Miss You, Dixie.

how do you define a dumb dream you had?
we define such dreams where we did something dumb in the dream, or something dumb happened to us. mine wasn't any of these two. yet, it felt dumb to me; it was like the dumbest dream I had ever dreamed currently. & it's frustrating.

I actually dreamt that Dixie blogged our photo along with the caption, "yeah and I'm beginning to miss this girl =)" yeah, it's THAT detailed. & YEAH, IT'S THAT DUMB & FRUSTRATING. when I woke up, I was really like, "Ah. Fuck that dream."

it's so funny, how the mind works.



I hurt my left shoulder during Yoga class today. I was doing this forward arm rotation. goodness, it felt like it was dislocated and then going back to place. I don't know how to put it. it's neither painful nor aching. it's like, I was numb for like 2 seconds there, clutching my shoulder. Erica, my teacher, came over and was like, "Fiona? Are you okay? What happened?" & that Melissa, next to me, was like staring at me. it was really comical, but scary at the same time. oh man. the feeling is like, WOAH what the hell happened?? Ha.

now I feel the so-called 'pain' whenever I stretch my upper left arm or shoulder. the 'pain' is the 'pain' I felt when that thing happened. ouch. it's unexplainable. ahh, if only there were more vocabulary! :]

Mummy's bringing me to the doctor's tomorrow. no school tomorrow. tralala. actually there is, but, yeah. you know what I mean. Ahahhah. this would be my very first time doing this. woah.
-winks-



downloaded till the 46th chapter of the Death Note Manga series. like, woah! there are 108 chapters for me to download; there are at least 17 files to download per chapter! so yeah I felt lazy so I downloaded till 46. the others, I shall read over the net. they have Akazukin Chacha and Bleach too! & yeah, Bleach is worse; 246 chpaters! -faints-

I remember myself when I was still in my Primary school years, I watched Akazukin Chacha's anime every morning while waiting for my dad to get ready to bring us to school. I forgot the channel. it's either Cartoon Network or Kids Central. Lol. it's a really cute show! I still love it! Heh :D I miss my childhood; all the huge Laser Discs which contained all my Power Rangers and The Land Before Time episodes. oh, & along with Jacky Cheung karaoke videos. hahah! :]

interested for the manga?
http://www.mangarun.com/



Am I right to conclude you don't care anymore?
ILY.

went down to SMU to start practicing the dance for the Prom night. whoo! the feeling today was like, yeah, whoo. it's been long since I've grooved to music. yeah I took quite a long nap due to exams, along with Sue and Darren's commitment to their studies and Run with his Dancefloor auditions. oh by the way, he made it through the auditions with his sister, doing a Bollywood item :] this time's routine has tiring moves, which is good. Haha. it helps to work me out too.

Sue just texted me saying we need to re-do the videos. GAH.



that Dalton is such an idiot. hahah. he can actually play his computer game until he totally forgot that he was talking to Natasha online on MSN. & he was grumbling to me how dumb he was just now. awww. anyway, everything he does is dumb :X Heh.



HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, DARYL TAN YEW WEN! :D
grow up, and stop slouching kay! Ahahha.



absence makes the heart grow fonder? I don't think so. you're beginning to fade away. you're like, dead. where are you? what are you doing? I don't know. if you are meant to be faded from my mind, please do, & fast. WTH am I talking about.

I'm just dying to speak to you :(
maybe something else will do.
I realised how precious time is.
<3

there were piles and piles of dead brown leaves along the pathway outside the condominium. suddenly, when I was walking down the pathway back home, I thought about the Furbolls (DON'T ASK ME ABOUT THE NAME). Ahhahaha, yeah I thought about the good old days we used to have back in the primary school days.

it was always the four of us; Farhana, Nadia, Dhiya, and me. haha, yeah we are the Furbolls (& IT WAS FARHANA WHO CHOSE THE NAME). yes, as you might have noticed, they're all non-Chinese and I'm the only one. I felt so much happier with them. when I was sorta isolated, from my so-called ex-best-friend and her new clique back then, I joined them for some class project and we started hanging out since then. I just cannot describe how much happier I was back then with them. though we had some conflicts now and then, but they were all minor matters. I felt so restricted whenever I was with my all-Chinese clique because I was there witnessing all the backstabbing and stuff; horrible. on the other hand, I felt more free with Farhana and friends because they're just so open about amost anything. we joke about anything and everything, we did homework together, yeah and all that jazz.

we invented some games to entertain ourselves during after school hours like Comedian, and a so-called game which is something like Let's-see-who-steps-on-the-most-crunchiest-dead-leaves. hahaha, yeah that's why for the starting of dead brown leaves along the pathway. sure enough I was stepping on crunchy leaves, as I was thinking about those times.



Jeslyn used to be my best-friend in primary school, since primary 3. we were prefects back then, and yeah. we were just those kind like two-girl-clique thing. well, nothing good lasts long, so eventually things took a turn when we entered primary 5; the year we all got streamed into different classes, like how the secondary 3 did. & yeah, we started to drift as she thought she had found another clique which is much cooler, just because they behave more maturely. Ha, thinking about it, my FOOT. you wanna know why they think they're mature? because... are you ready for this? okay, because, they think knew about what SEX really is; how to do it, how do the female and male private parts look like, and they act like as if the topic is nothing to them but deep inside they are just so damn curious and hungry for more. yeah, CHILDISH eh? so yeah, soon enough, the guys in that clique began to surf porn sites. we were primary 6 then. like, wow can? primary 6 and you're surfing porn on the net already. and yeah, there was once I asked Jeslyn what were they discussing about that made them seem so excited and all. ya know what she said? she said, "Oh, you don't need to know. You're not mature enough. -smiles-" thinking about it, I thhink I should have just told her to GROW UP LAH! like seriously, when I think about it, I asked, "Who's the immature one?" I don't blame them :] they were ignorant then; just trying to act mature, but they're so-not.

Jeslyn seemed like she was the best-friend, ya know? but yeah, I'm glad we split up back then. otherwise, I would be an Ah-lian by now. -shudders-

& oh, what about the boys who surfed porn? yeah, the boys turned themselves in in the end because the school tracked down the porn sites and yeah. Integrity, whoo.



speaking about Jeslyn makes me think about Eelin.
& I really don't want history to repeat itself.
just why am I so uptight about my girlfriends? ah, now that's a good question, why? I don't know. I'm not those kind who will die without a friend by their side. it's like, what would you do & how would you feel, if your best-friend (or you thought to be) starts to drift away from you because he/she found another person/clique to hang out with & doesn't really care much about you? yeah, that feeling. difficult to put that in words but yeah, just like that.



oh yeah, Nadia used to be the tallest in the our clique back then. the very last time I met them, I was like the tallest. yes! a head taller than all of them. haha :]

I miss you girls,
where are you now?
<3



we pretend not to see each other.
I did it for my reason,
why did you do that for, may I ask?

I'm starting to miss the times when we laughed together, side by side. Damn everything. Awwwww! :(

I've got the soundtrack for My Lovely Samsoon! :D
I'm repeating the few songs over and over again.
They just fit the mood I'm in right now.



I think I'm being too emo recently. even Darrell asked me why I was having PMS today. Ha, I don't know. there's too much to take for now. I've got my Basic NCO course, Prom night dance practices, extra supplementary lessons in school, Yoga lessons (YA, GOT A PROBLEM?), & the Aspire '07 song preparation, all lined up for me for the weeks to come and into the holidays as well. wow. adding on to my misery, I had been dwelling in unnecessary thoughts about Dixie and Eelin. I know I shouldn't be thinking about them but the thoughts just come naturally. I stoned in the toilet last night for like at least 15 minutes thinking about it. when I finally 'awoke', I was like, how long have I sat there? it felt stupid; I felt stupid.

all these emo feelings is making me sick.
I just can't get out of it.
Bertram told me about finding comfort in my other friends. Ha, sure enough, both Dal & Ryan have a job and are working for the next few weeks. aww.

a good point made by Sue: most secondary school students are very childish. childish in a way that when a girl hangs out with multiple guys, the girl is labelled as a flirt. Ha, how true. CTSS is even worse; most of the females in this school are the POTS calling other kettles black. I just laugh at the people who called me a flirt. oh yeah, no matter what, I still need to learn how to handle criticisms from Mummy :] she's like, so pro in it. even Darren says so. Lol.



there was this Financial Literacy workshop in school today. played this really interesting and fun game. Haha. my group didn't have enough Retirement Plan cards during our second game, & it was damn funny because we kept asking for 'refills' and the lady, Yihui, was like "Aiyo, why you all keep koping all my Retirement Plan cards??" Ahhahah. grouped with Darrell, Aaron and Zhengming (AH, & SO YOU NOTICE I'M THE ONLY GIRL!). yeah, I did have fun today. Heh :]



that yellow ID band hung there at my communication device, I don't think you will realise that it belonged to you once. I don't think you will ever notice it; I don't even think you'd notice me at all.

please tell me that I'm wrong, thinking this way.
<3

if I'm not wrong, it is the last day of school for the graduating students today? I don't know, I read Jamesss' blog about him going to sing the National Anthem for the last time today, I have that very strong feeling that it's true. I don't know why, so suddenly right after I read that post, I felt HORRIBLE.

visualise it, feeling horrible.

feeling horrible because you think you feel that there's something you had not done, and you might never get the chance to do it really, very, soon.
feeling horrible because you had not done something enough yet.
feeling horrible because you had been pretending to be a cool-ster, taking and doing everything so slowly.
feeling horrible because you never thought that this moment would arrive so quickly.
feeling horrible because you fear that you might lose something that you held onto for so long.
feeling horrible because you have so little time left.

feeling horrible because,
it all just feel horrible to you.

it sounds like as if I'm dying or it's apocalypse. I don't know why am I feeling this and behaving this way. I'm just so afraid of losing Dixie; afraid of us not communicating after he graduates, afraid that he wouldn't care, afraid of the truth that he doesn't even give a damn about me. I sound like some desperate little girl and I feel horrible for that. I criticise girls like that, but why am I behaving like one now? Fwahhh!
I feel horrible.

I've been longing to tell him everything.
but there's just this thing that all homosapiens feel that prevents me from doing so; the fear of rejection, the fear of hearing the truth that he didn't care from the start, the fear of knowing that you had been wasting your time.
it also has to do with his studies. I would never want to see someone I cherish dearly, struggling unnecessarily. I thought of appraoching him and all after his exams. but for now, my bubble is burst, for good. there's no way we could communicate as well as before. Fuck MSN. I would not see him again until the Prom night. & during then there would be too many people around for me to talk to him.
it just feels horrible.

yeah the cliche line people use:
That someone does not have to be by your side even if you love that someone very dearly. Just as long as that someone is happy, be happy for that someone. Now that's love.
it's true, but as you all know,
it's all easier said than done.
I feel so horrible.

Dixie isn't a strummer.
Nor is he a good singer.
But I made an exception for him,
just because I cherished him so dearly from the start.

you can be the most handsome basketball player on the team, you can talk on MSN like thissSss :) :) :) to me, you can be taller than 175cm, you can walk me to the bus-stop and make a fool out of yourself, you can cheer me up with just a smile from you, you can have any hairstyle that doesn't make you look bad in any way.
but there's only one Dixie Chua that I know.
only one who makes me happy even if I was crying the second before, only one who has that really funny voice to tickle me, only one who has that smirk who makes me wanna pinch his face.

yeah.


half of me doesn't want to speak.
the other half urges me to speak.
am I doing it right?

because it all just feels so wrong now.
it all just feels so horrible.



why.

that angsty feeling's here.
I feel like a bitch today.
Thou shalt bitch 'bout some stuff.



I have a very funny class.
if all of them feared being retained next year, why did they not study hard enough for the exams? why did they keep playing their Magic or Yu-Gi-Oh! card games? why are they slacking in class? why didn't they complete most of their assignments on time? it's all funny, but true.

yeah and now they're all mourning over their EOY results. all I hear everyday is, "I don't wanna retain, I don't wanna retain~~" aww people, why cry over spilled milk? not like as if you can reverse the time and re-do everything. in the beginning, you guys should have put it more effort. since it's already this way, accept ot. just buck up in the future and don't repeat the same mistakes again, be it you're retained or not. if you say, "Retain la, retain la" and shake your head like it's a matter of fact, well it's so sorry to see this state. just pull up your stinky fragrant socks! stop moaning about the results and start planning what to do in the future; you guys are just wasting your time dwelling upon this issue.

that Aaron kept shooting me with words like, "Aiyah you care for what, you pass everything la" and "You confirm promote already lah", whenever I ask the other classmates about their results. What? I'm some arrogant smart-arse to you now? I'm trying to ask about their results and that's all, hello? I was trying to be nice and try encouraging some of the classmates and you take it for granted like I'm some kinda show-off. fine, be that way if you want to. I want the class to do well together. I don't need the congratulations; I've got 60.6% and the 6th position in class, for the whole of second semester. what does that mean? I don't have to say it; it's really easy to infer from here. there's no doubt that our class is the most slack, and worst class in academic and behaviour-wise as well. everyone thinks that they're their own King/Queen of the class. whatever. this is hopeless.

ah well.
I know you're gonna ask me to shut up.
I've bitched enough, though there's still more.
-ZIP-



yeah, Wenjie. since you like someone, just admit it. not like as if you would die if I knew about it right? like, literally, almost everyone knows about it. everytime, whenever the girls tease you about it, or whenever you draw his name all over your limbs, it just makes me laugh-out-loud, frankly speaking. hey girl FYI, I don't have cock-ear or cock-eye. don't, and stop, giving me those big-eyed stares of yours; they're really scary. I saw you looking at me when the girls teased you about him today. what did you expect me to do? stare back at you and ask you to give up? or something else more dramatic? Haha, I'll just laugh it off. I laughed when I saw you looking over at me. I guess you still like this good old I'm-shy-and-I-love-you game like the girls used to play? haha, have fun :] come on girl, just be a little bolder, say you like Dixie, alright? oh no no, not that. say you LOVE him, kay? naww, I won't be jealous; I would be there enjoying the show you'll be putting up ;] I know what happened to Bert so I might imagine that scene happening to Dixie. Ahhh, I sound really crazy, but yeah it would be interesting. oh, about you sending me SMSes from nowhere and for nothing? what are you trying to do, or hint me? Mmmm. you just.. scare me. & it's not in the horror way. this isn't working for you, no.



I have a funny class, with funny classmates.
okay, some crazy and irritating ones too.
My life is so interesting in school already.

I have a super dramatic life.
I couldn't stand it at times.



& yeah.
Just like that.

BWAHHHH.
some gay hairdresser screwed by hair. -cries-
now the top and bottom of my hair is so uneven.
-puik- i need a hairband or wax to cover it up.
SH*TZ IT. I'LL STICK TO CALEB FROM NOW ON. XD



rented a few DVDs to watch over this week. haha. Take The Lead, V for Vendetta, The Exorcism of Emily Rose and Bring It On; All or Nothing. whoo :) oh yeah there's also Ryan's Moulin Rouge. hahaha. wow. gotta watch the rented ones by this Sunday so yeah. heh :D



got back EOY results today. -eyes widen-
failed my Combined Humanities and Physics as expected. got 88 for E-Math, 70 for A-Math, 58 for English, 56 for Chinese, 64 for Chemistry, 20 out of 50 for Geography, 25 out of 50 for Social Studies, and 36.5 for Physics. RAWR!! Humanities marks will be moderated to 50 if we got 47 to 49. & what? I've got a freaking 45. 45! oh man this is killing me. those marks are the marks for the SA2, which means the overall marks are not released yet. yeah, I'm crossing my god-damned fingers for that. -shuts eyes-



yeah, watched Death Note two days ago with Dal and Ryan. IT'S SOOO COOL CAN :D yeah there was a nickname Kira in the show and there's one part of the show which said "Freedom!" Ahhhahahaha, I tell you, Dal was like, stunned. haha. Gundam Gundam Gundam. Lol. and and and! I LOVE RYUZAKI. I LOVE RYUZAKI. I LOVE RYUZAKI. I LOVE RYUZAKI. I LOVE RYUZAKI. I LOVE RYUZAKI. I LOVE RYUZAKI. I LOVE RYUZAKI. I LOVE RYUZAKI. I LOVE RYUZAKI! :D heehee. I rate the show 5 out of 5 kay. it's a two-hour show, and it's worth your money. go check it out :]




it's a confirm for the Prom.
ohhh mann, DANCE!
haha, ciao :]

headed to school early in the morning and arrived at 9:37AM when the Cyber Wellness meeting's supposed to start at 10:00AM. Ahhah. so yeah sat there at the umbrella area. was smsing Bryan then. when I looked around, guess what, I saw Chew! haha. yah Benjamin Chew. he was late for his bridging course for like, two freaking periods lah. Lol. so we were chatting while he waited for the change of periods so he could sneak in. however, a call came, and he was told that the next period was already on. then he was like, "HUH? Wahh, liao eh liao." LOL. yeah after that he was like, "Uh, I got to go, bye!" then he was like runningggggg for the Container. Ahhahah. funny little guy.

after the meeting, headed to Ryan's house; to see Cleo! his new kitten. awww she's just sooo damn cute okay! :D however, she is one scratchy, playful, naughty, and hyper little imp. she's little, and an imp. HAHA (sorry Jamesss). yeah. and and and !! she slept on my lap! awwwww :] SEE:



she's so puny :]
& that's Dalton the mer-male. HA!



oooh yeah, check out Gan and Ryan's asses while they're gaming. ROFLMAO. one's taken by me while the other by Dal. ahhhhah, the sight of them being like this just made Dal roll on the floor, having a fit of laughter.



AHHAHHA :D



uh huh, uh huh, I bought this today.






yeah :] that's all for today.
<33

Life is a one-way trip.
Live it to the fullest,
Even if it is your last day.
- Wait 'Til You're Older



we're weak; we're strong.

today was all sorta well. out with Ryan for the first half of the say. I bought two tops from Star Harvest, a new set of Philips headphones with five different colour-casings, some cheapo handphone pouch [ha, long story], and yeah earrings :] watched Stay Alive. yeah good show; rate it 4 out of 5. Countess, blood, spooky house, self-playing game. Ahhah just to scare the shit out of us. yeah, Dalton joined us and dined at NYDC, then came over to my house for tiramisu. yeah, I beat the cream for the tiramisu kay. Ha. yeah.



somehow, everything seemed contradicting and untrue.
I dont know who to trust, who to talk to, who to smile sincerely at. Mum says, "Have gratitude to everything and everyone even if they treat me badly." yeah, I'm trying to do that Mum, but it's hard. she says, "Yes, it's hard I know. I'm going through it now too. Don't let it get into your head. Control, get it out." yeah okay, I nodded. but, it's just too hard for me.

I know you're a hypocrite; it's just so obvious you dislike me so much, but WHY do you have to act so nicely in front of me? Why? be yourself, will ya? show me the attitude, so I would stay away from you. don't come giving me, "Hey Fiona!" or *fake smiles* or whatever shit, alright. it makes you look so fake and pathetic. are you trying to get into my good books, or just trying to act oh-so friendly so you could get more friends and backstab me? oh yeah go ahead, do it; you're doing it all, real good, babe. fuck it. yeah fuck it all. you can have anything you want, yeah. you think the whole world revolves around you, yeah. go on with it. I'm not gonna preach; I would be wasting my time just to preach for you. yeah, I know you won't even give a damn about it girl. you won't give a damn about anything. you just take EVERYTHING, even the people who love and care for you, for granted. oh yeah, you ask me, who? ask yourself alright. you've got something to say to me? oh, don't go bitching around to your girls alright; come straight to my face and say it. if you'd still like to do that, well I'll say go ahead then. only cowards do that, so the word would be spread around by other people so when it reaches my ears, I won't know it's you. hey girl, you know, somehow, there's always something so coincidental that it made the truth known to me. so yeah, it doesn't work for long. go on and bear the grudge. I have no grudge against you; you're the one who has a grudge against me. it doesn't affect me; it affects the people around me. you can't bear to see your friends stuck in a dilemma, right? yeah, we quarreled, we sweared at each other. YOU apologised and you sounded so sincere; I'd let it go. well, it seems to me you had been carrying the hatred with you for all these years. for now, I guess I know one of the reasons of what happened to all my girlfriends; yeah it was all thanks to you, babe. yeah, babe. count yourself lucky, I'm calling you, a BABE, & not a BITCH. if you can't let go of the past and move on, so be it. God bless you for living such a miserable life yeah, I pity you. oh, one more thing. TREASURE whatever you have now before it's gone forever; it won't come back. please don't hurt anyone, I'm begging you.

you don't know who I'm talking about? yeah, don't be so confident/paranoid that I'm talking about you. don't be so parasan. if you're really interested, come approach me to ask. I just detest people who jump into conclusions without knowing anything.



everyone's moody, including Dixie.
so yeah.
bye all.

Right Where You Want Me
- Jesse McCartney

Girl,
There's something 'bout me that you outta know.
I never felt the need to lose control.
Always held on back and played it slow.
But not this time.
Baby, don't be gentle,
I can handle anything.

Baby,
Take me on a journey.
I've been thinking lately,
I could use a little time alone with you.
Crazy,
Let's do something, maybe.
Please don't take your time,
You got me,
Right where you want me.

Girl,
I'm gonna let you have your way with me.
When you move like that,
Its hard to breathe.
I never thought that it could be like this,
But I was wrong.
Baby, don't be gentle,
I can handle anything.

Baby,
Take me on a journey.
I've been thinking lately,
I could use a little time alone with you.
Crazy,
Let's do something, maybe.
Please don't take your time,
You got me,
Right where you want me.

Can't explain it,
How you swept me off my feet, unexpectedly.
In slow motion,
My imagination running trying to keep my body still,
I can hardly stand the thrill.

Baby, don't be gentle,
I can handle anything.

Baby,
Take me on a journey.
I've been thinking lately,
I could use a little time alone with you.
Crazy,
Let's do something, maybe.
Please don't take your time,
You got me,
Right where you want me.




yeah, I'll be there.
Right where you want me :)

Fergie goes:
I'm the F to the E, R-G-I to the E.
Fiona shall go:
I'm the F to the I, O-N and to the A.

Ahhaha. R&B just so-rock.
& yeah I ain't a lesbian but Fergie is HAWT.

sheesh, should be talking like a British.
not American, baby. Ahhah, yeah Ryan :D



CTSS prom night for graduating students; might be performing, are we, Revo? yeah and good-soul Melvin shall be assisting. :] I wonder what would it be like. I hope it would be great, and Frederick is like sooo excited about it. Ha, yeah the band is performing as well. oh gosh, Revo (especially Darren) don't ps me there kay? :)



Physics and Geography tomorrow; killer papers. & the last ones too! whoooooo. I'm crossing my fingers, chanting to myself, memorising everything and all. I just hope eveything is over, but with some satisfactory results. Fwah, thats hard without hardwork. Damn.

Mugging. Ciao.

Pasta Mania.
Creamy Chicken Linguine.
Yum :D



studied at Esplanade with Gan and Kaizhi today. yeah, Kai didn't know where was the toilet until he walked the whole library. Lol. so when I told him where it was, he went down. when he came back, he was like, "ah, I went to the ladies!" Lmao! he mistaken the signs I think. Lol. he's lucky, because the ladies was being cleaned then and the cleaner was like, 'waving' at him, according to what Kai said. Hah, I think the lady was telling him that he's going the wrong direction, instead of waving. Ahhaha! yeah :]



yeah, today, almost.
<3

The Fray is a new face of music :]
Lips of An Angel.
How To Save A Life.



had a talk with Mummy again. yeah it's one of the lecture-talks. three of us in the room, Mel, me, Mum. Mel was being a rude-arse once again and I couldn't take it (whish elder sibling does?). so yeah Mum called us into her room. so I was ranting and crying and all, Mum was saying that I love Mel alot because I'm crying so much, which is so true. I've showered so much concern, it's just that Mel just brushes them off her shoulder and treats me as some overly-concerned sister. Bullshit lah. true enough, Mel wasn't crying, but she put on that face. yeah, that face, with the mouth pouting out acting like I-ain't-takin-it-in-gurl. so, Mum talked to her and stuff, about not taking things for granted and cherish the things we have in possession now. well, tears welled up in her eyes and she cried for that moment. Mum asked her why she's crying, and yeah she replied, "Don't regret what you have lost." yeah sure, I know very well she's crying over Ian. get over it soon, kay. please be a good girl from now on.

she just reminds me of myself. we had a similar lecture from Dad. so he was saying the same old thing. true enough I heard his words and I started crying, crying for something I lost, crying for Dixie. Dad asked me why I was crying, I said the same thing. How ironic, but it's true. well, it's life isn't it?



studying at Esplanade again later.
studying seems to be my life for another 3 more days.
ohh come on, Fiona, you can do it!
yeahh, Tuesday! shoppinggg :D



yeah sure, learn to cherish.
<3

Now Playing:
How To Save A Life - The Fray
Fergalicious - Fergie

Now Reading:
Dracula - Bram Stocker
Frankenstein - Mary Shelley



I always thought Singaporeans were always the inconsiderate and kiasu ones in the whole wide world. but wadaya know, I met a foreigner, who's just like Singaporeans, just today. yeah I was on my way to Esplanade and I was alighting at City Hall station. as usual, there were loads of people at the platform waiting for the train door to open. I was glad initially, as all of them were waiting behind the yellow line as painted on the platform. however, as the door opened, I was taking my first two steps, I was pushed back by an boarding passenger. I looked at the guy, and wow, it was a caucasian. like, woah, he was pulling his whole family in like nobody's business. they were all smiling, like as if they saw an MRT for the first time and wants to get in first. what's funny? they got inside the cabin before anyone could get out first. when I stepped out, the Singaporeans haven't started walking in yet. what the hell. I would have snapped at them if only they weren't so frikin tall. yeah, they're big sized. oh yah, and white. so yeah I was telling myself, "Man, I needa blog about these inconsiderate, and smiling, caucasians." so here I am :] Caucasians behaving like Singaporeans.. *smirks*



Physics. Geography. Physics. Geography. Physics. Geography. Physics. Geography. Physics. Geography. Physics. Geography. Physics. Geography. Physics. Geography. Physics. Geography. Physics. Geography. Physics. Geography. Physics. Geography. Physics. Geography. Physics. Geography. Physics. Geography. Physics. Geography.
these two are the things going through my mind now. Fwahhh I think I'll be crazy by the end of the coming Tuesday. damn it. studying at Esplay again tomorrow. with Gan and Ryan most prolly :] Ahhah. I feel like eating Pasta Mania! wheee.



oh yeah, speaking about pasta.
Mummy cooked pasta today! haha. yeah spagethii with minced pork, shredded mushrooms and tomato slices, along with olive oil. yeah it sounds bland doesn't it? but hey, just add some cheese and Viola! it tastes good :] you haven't heard the best part; she made tiramisu too! wahhh. & you know what? it was her second attempt. & you know what? it's REALLY DELICIOUS! :] heh. coffee and Hershey cocoa powder. yum. keep it up Mum.



Fergalicious sounds great.
Ahhah, yeah R&B.
Fergie's hot.
yeahh man.

Map of The Problematique - Muse.
great song, yeah great band :)



had fun playing with the sparkles, candles and lanterns at my gram's place. it's been since I've played with fire. hooo. yeah. I guess all of us are growing up really fast. as a privilege for being the eldest among all the cousins, I get to watch them grow along with the adults. I just seem so old, too old to play along with the younger ones. the second eldest is only two years younger than me. ah, what can I say. I'll just step in whenever there are fights or anything. Heh heh :]

watching the younger ones grow is nice. however, it depends on which path they are growing towards too. Darryl had been rather rebellious recently. so yeah, I hope he'll change soon, somehow. Hazel's been catching up with me over the years and she's finally taller than me. Darn. she's only Sec 1. Damn. Ahhah, yeah she's a great girl. watching Mel grow would be nice. I hope she'll grow stronger as soon as possible. cheer up aight girl :]



Music inspires me to write music.
Ironic.
Siblings fall for another pair of siblings.
Ironic.
Ex-girlfriends of a same guy hangs out together.
Ironic.
We dream to be something we know it can't come true.
Ironic.

along with other factors,
we live in a very ironic world.



I shall aspire to be a songwriter, a graphic designer, and a psychiatrist. hooo. yeah, hopefully, a full-time psychiatrist, a designer and songwriter for part-time. Ha, I'm just sooo excited about it. sigh, thinking about my exams now just stresses me out though. ah well, life's like that. I have a great dream to achieve, yes? :) I shall work hard, and so must you!

all the best and make a break-through,
Dixie, Dalton, Ryan, Gan, Jamesss, Eelin.


<3

ahhh. I don't like your hot and cold attitude.
firstly, you make me irritated. secondly, I don't know what you're thinking and it makes me jump to conclusions at times. I don't want that to happen, cause I don't like to do so. you give me different gazes everytime, how I cam supposed to infer anything within a few seconds? gah, just what's going on in your head? not that I'm encouraging not to appraoch you about this issue, it's just that 'thing' that's keeping me from coming near you. yeah, that thing. Fwahh. sh*tz.



yeah Dalton, you had been lifeless nowadays. hope you're alright kay? tell me if there's anything's up. no point showing moodless expressions to someone who doesn't understand what's going on. Smile aight :]



exams had been draining the life out of me. yeah, I think I'm dead for Social Studies and Chemistry. damn it all. next up are Physics & Geography, both on the SAME DAY. yeah, CTSS tortures her students mentally. Additional Math and English paper 2 on Monday and I don't think it's a problem for me. yeah, it's the last two papers I'm frantic about. Pffft.

need at least a D7 for Combined Humanities, and pass a Science subject. Damn it all, just damn it ALL. ahh well. I was born intelligent, but education ruined me. Ha. love this cliche phrase.

Gambatte, Fiona!



oh yeah,
Happy Mid-Autumn Festival.

just came home, not long ago. had around three hours plus of studying in my paradise. ah well, it's the libary @ esplanade. it's a great place. nice environment, and music. hawhaw. & wad'ya know, they have this evening session for some kinda like song-singing of different people every Wednesday. & what else, yeah JAMMING, every Friday! hooo. I'm so-gonna hang out there really often. Heh. yeah so today there were three groups who performed. I don't know if they are qualified bands or singers or what, but yeah they sound not too bad. a lady sang Run and Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol! Ahhah, nice.



oh yeah, & I decided not to join Dancefloor with Moo and Sue. gah. I just have to wait for my next opportunity then. I've been dying to take up dance again. it used to be my life, until it ceased ever since I entered secondary school. maybe because I lost interest in almost anything for that moment in my life. now that I've found it once more, I should not let it go so easily, right? yeah. I'll work hard. Hard. my studies aren't doing well for semester 2 and I don't wanna add on to this burden of mine. yeah, best of luck to my upcoming papers. *fingers crossed*



I have big dreams. yeah I do. seriously I do. & I'm so proud of myself for that. well, maybe not that big to you, but it's rather big to me :)

first, I'd like to take up the Visual Communications course at Temasek Polytechnic. get a proper, and good diploma. after that, if possible, I'll apply for the Psychology course in NUS Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences. the requirements are rather little so it's just the matter of my luck or something. yeah. I talked to Dad about it and he said he would encourage me if I can manage my time well, & really put in all my effort in walking this path I chose. yeah, I can become a photographer, photo journalist, graphic designer, or maybe a qualified psychiatrist or something. yeah, this is much of the realistic dream I'm having now.

I have a bigger dream. it's too big to be fulfilled for me. it might happen, but it's least likely to. however, I'll still try to achieve them. what? yeah, a forensic scientist. It's almost, or already, impossible for me now cos I'm definitely not getting into a Junior College to take Biography. so yeah, it shall remain as a dream. I have a second bigger dream; a writer, a lyricist, a composer. I love music, I really do. I write songs. I just don't know how to write or compose music. I need someone who can help my develop further, & I hope this can be fulfilled soon enough? :) I talked to Dad about me writing songs as well. he was impressed, & I'm glad he was. he told me if I am keen on doing it, he would send me to Lee Wei Song's music school to groom me. woah. I have a nice Dad? :) yeah I do.

big dreams that I just want to do, they all come from the same idea deep in me; I want to help people, to be someone helpful to the society, to make people smile, & make people live life -- to the fullest :)



& I wanna thank Dixie for talking to me today.
you rock, dude :)

the reason of my switch of address.
I hate 'big-mouth's and I simply detest them.
if you're one of them and you're here, ah-ha, whatever.

this is my blog.
& Fiona owns you.



I had a conversation with Sue not too long ago about our future husbands. she ended up telling me about her marrying an old dying rich man, so she wouldn't have to go to bed with him and just take his fortune after he dies. hm, great idea. maybe I'll do that if only I happen to become a person who doesn't trust anyone anymore. sometimes, circumstances like these do help a woman's needs. doncha think? Ha.



well, somehow or rather I had been labelled by the name 'Flirt' in school. don't ask me why, 'cause I don't know why. funny? yeah I think so too.

you don't have to tell me that I'm a flirt. I know myself very well. I know I am a flirt. I'm born a flirt. I'm a natural flirt. get it? NATURAL. it means that I flirt without knowing it myself. it's just the way I socialise, you know. I say Hi, and the other replies. Simple. you got a problem with that? yeah of course you do, because I'm not you. & you are just not used to my style of socialising. so the oh-so-jealous you will start to spread rumours around that I'm some flirt-arse and people should stay away from me. Haha. it's so comical to see such people go around ya know. since I've, well, 'admitted' myself, I reckon you people are happy now.

But, you know something? even flirts have feelings. you know, feelings? flirts do feel. we feel, okay. we know very well who are our loves and who are our flings. we know our stuff well, better than you do. we don't need you to tell us what to do. because why? because we know what we are doing. you are just poking your nose around, trying to act like you're some know-it-all or something. keep up with the good work, yeah? to come to think of it, it's because of people like YOU, pole-dancers, strippers, and bar-top dancers are all maligned to be prostitutes, promiscuous, or flirts who don't take relationships seriously.

I'm telling you now, we do.



I don't know what I would say in the long run from now.

but for now, yeah I'm going to say something. yes, something. I love Dixie. yeah, I love him. why? because I love him. don't ask me why. I love him for too long until I forgot the reasons of what made me fall for him. this phrase is so cliche, but it's so true for some people aight. well, you really wanna know what? yeah sure I'll tell ya. Everything. yes, everything about him. if it still doesn't answer your question, then beat it.

you don't know how it feels when you love someone so much, and you don't even know what the hell that person is thinking. so much for one-sided. but what can I say? we used to be together for a short period of time. he fell for me once then. who knows what could happen.

you don't know how it feels, when you think about that someone so much, until you started to think whether he even thought about thinking of you in the first place. it just makes you wonder whether you're wasting your time. it makes you sigh so deeply.

you don't know how it feels, when you are interested in this hot dude you just met and both of you are getting along rather well. & then it's just that moment when you are considering if you would like to hang out with this hunk, just so suddenly, you think of this someone at the back of your mind. it makes you wanna go, "RARGH! Who the hell do I want now?!" does this sounds familiar? I'm sure you do. we all go through this.

yeah if you know how that feels, good for you. so, people describe such a girl like me a flirt. yeah whatever you say. COME ON, we aren't robots for goodness sake. I have fetishes and I am sure all of us do. such fetishes make you go ga-ga over them for a period of time.

somehow, it's just that someone I make an exception for; someone whom I reserved a space in my heart for. & that's Dixie. he made me go through painful dilemmas. I don't blame him at all. I blame myself for loving him too much. this sounds like some drama-mama, but I think some girls out there think the same way too. you can still call me a flirt, yeah. I'm just like one of the misunderstood pole-dancers you see out there. I'm not appealing for your understanding. I'm merely voicing out. whatever you think, it's your problem now.

Yeah, I love Dixie.
& I'm proud of that.
guys may come and go in my life, as there are now. but then again, who knows what could happen. say whatever you want. make fun of me. say I'm desperate. say I'm cheap. oh yeah, and a flirt? whatever it is, as long as I know that I'm not like that, I'm not like that. yeah and that's final.



I emphasized on a word strongly here.
yeah you got it; FLIRT.
girls like to taunt each other with this very word. I don't know why. bringing her down mentally? ah, I guess it works somehow or rather yeah. trying to make her look bad so that your friends would not get close to her? ah, what a childish way of living life. stop being narrow-minded, people girls. read up the dictionary before throwing words at people, kay?



why did God even create humans?
why do we have feelings like fear, arrogance, shyness, boldness? why are there just some people who could not care less about themselves but care so much about other people? yeah, in other words, why are they so 'kaypoh'? what is a blog for when I need to mind almost whatever I'm going to talk about? yeah, whatever. taunt me if you want. tease me if you want. envy me if you want. curse me if you want. you can do anything behind my back. whatever it is, never ever provoke me or agitate me directly. people just love to interfere, right?


it's the exam period.
& I don't want to be distracted.
& I think you think the same way too.
Ahhah but still, I love you.

you know, I just detest this song, this very song. this song makes me very irritated. it makes me change the radio station even if it's Power 98 FM (FYI it's my fave station) playing it. it doesn't make any sense, it sounds retarded, it sounds twitish, and it doesn't sound nice, at all. sounds familiar? yeah maybe you might have guessed what song it is.

Unfaithful.
yeah, by That-Lalala-Rihanna.

I don't like the song, not the artiste.

and f*cking hell, that sister of mine set this frikin' song as her message tone. MESSAGE TONE. like, the phone rings, with the irritating song, when it receives every SMS. I couldn't even stand it when it rung only for the second time after she set the tone. so yeah till now, it has been two days. two frikin' days enduring "I don't wanna do this anymore~ I don't wanna be the reason why~"

FWAHHHH-!!
I think I'll be brain dead for tomorrow's paper.

OMG PLEASE DON'T LET IT HAPPEN.

lucks for tomorrow.
& let there be peace on earth.